I can't believe I'm back here, because seeing this site makes me physically sick now, since I've slowly reached the point where I hate it more than... anything.
I'm back tonight because I had to hear it from my friends, that tantrums were thrown because of my decision. Tantrums by people that I actually considered friends. And I know only a handful that actually saw my side of it. I guess I just don't have quite as many pageviews or pretty layouts to earn me some support.
I'm here to leave a few words of advice before I leave.
My mama raised me good. Even though I fight with her quite often, she raised me good and I respect her. There are three things in life that she taught me, and individually, each three of these things already more than once proved their worth.
1. Always be respectful. No matter who it is, always hold the other above you. You won't get anywhere in life, being disrespectful.
Russians are raised, like many other wogs, to treat everyone with respect. Especially elders, and especially friends. I always showed respect to people. Even Lisa - the nineteen year old Skip manager at Macdonald's that in the end was the reason why I quit. I knew that she was just out the back talking about me. I saw that dirty look she gave me when I turned away, and I still gave her respect. "Heya, Lisa, how're you going?". Always listened, always answered. In the end? I'm being begged to come back to work, and Lisa's on her way into the gutter. But oh no, I'm sure it would have worked so much better if I threw a hissy fit and cursed my life and everyone in it.
Respect will get you up to the top of the pyramid, and will keep you up there, if you just keep at it. In Russia people are raised differently, and the whole world is different to Australia. In Russia, the streets are justly ruled by unjust men. But even those mobsters, those criminals have respect for each other. In Russian streets - take it from a street kid - those people at the bottom of the pyramid stand shoulder to shoulder with those who own the fucking pyramid. And they fight side by side. No one's better, and no one's stronger. Everyone is equal, and everyone respects each other. If only the Russian governments would follow.
2. Hold on to your friends for your life, and always try to make new ones. One more friend is one more favour, one more word of advice, one more consolation in your tough times. And never hold back in return.
In this world, there's people that love you unconditionally. But there are even more people that don't. And in this world, where so little people actually care about you - it's your friends that always have your back. No matter what. I pick my mobile phone up in the middle of the night - something many warned me against doing, because it might be a friend in trouble calling. Brydie, a good friend from Macdonald's, once called me like that. Not that far back, actually - a month maybe. She got into an unpleasant situation, and needed someone to talk to. What the hell. I was more happy to talk to her than she was, at 2 o'clock at night, when I had school the next morning. Because of all the other friends she had, she chose to call me. She chose to talk to me. And I know now, that if I ever call her up in the middle of the night, she'll always be there for me. I have so many friends that I hold so much respect for - Sarah and Jess are on DA, right here, in fact. These friends got me through the toughest parts of my pathetic life, and I'll always be there for them.
I never turned my back on people when they offered me friendship. I never stopped talking to anyone, or stopped treating anyone with respect, until they gave ME a reason to do otherwise.
The third piece of advice is the one that sticks with me the most. It's the hardest to accept, as well. I'm gonna have a tough time translating it from Russian, but I'll do my best -
3. Human beings are nocturnal creatures. They show their true colours in the darkest of times.
It's true, and I still struggle to believe it. But I saw an example of it with what happened when I left DA. Some people stuck with me to the end - accepted that I made a conscious decision for myself and no one else. Some didn't. In fact, some turned nasty, like having a free will was poison to their eyes.
I know who my true friends are now.
Just one -